19/10/12

I've been having this nagging feeling in my heart. It hurts but I have no idea why. Or probably I do subconsciously and that I'm consciously ignoring what I'm feeling? It's awful, this confusion;helplessness;restlessness...

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My depression's probably relapsing again. In the first place how do you really know if it's depression right? It could be a self-fulfilling prophecy, you think you're having depression and the more you think about it, the more entrapped you are, the more you're stuck. And if that happens, is it really depression? Or is it that this cynical take on life is actually a by product of all the experiences that you had that you never feel the real need to do anything anymore? That heck if I'm depressed so be it? Cos I'm already too well over to care? 

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What's the purpose of life? What's my purpose in this life/lifetime? Do we even have any purpose for us that may be dictated by God/our maker/something like that that whatever we do is futile and nature will always take its course? Or do we really have control over our destiny like how people claim? And how do you know/affirm that whatever purpose you have in life is the right purpose? Is there even such thing as a right purpose? Does it really matter if you have no purpose? Do we need purpose? Can we live without purpose?

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It irks me about how insensitive people can be. Or maybe I'm just to sensitive/emotional. What's wrong about that? Perhaps it's just my insecurities that's more worrying than how people really judge me. Why should I care right?? I wanna tell myself that, but what the head wants totally differs from where the heart goes.

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Is it possible to feel no love? What is love anyway? There're many types of love but is there really unconditional love? I'm just so tired... Tired to love.

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I need more optimism. Life will get better! It's not a bed of thorns. 

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School tomorrow. Another day blending into the next...

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I should probably sleep soon. Sleep all my worries away. 

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Live in day tight compartments, girl. Remember that.

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And stop comparing yourself with others. You're enough. Stop wishing you have what others have/want to be like someone else etc. You are uniquely you. Of course you have flaws but you also have strengths right?

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Believe in yourself. Have faith. 

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Life goes on.