5 things to do when you can't sleep

Sounds familiar? This is so me. It's 2.30 am now and I'm still wide awake. I think part of it is because my sleep's cycle is completely screwed and I slept too much; I woke up at 12 pm today, so technically I had only been awake for 14 and a half hours.

Below are 10 things I'll do when I can't sleep. Feel free to adopt any of the 'useful tips' below:

#1: Listen to music

If I'm desperately in need to sleep asap, I'll listen to some classical music- no offense but I think they're really soothing and can help me feel sleepy quickly. I love piano pieces a lot especially Yiruma's piano performances. Pieces like 'kiss the rain' is a perfect lullaby for me.

Alternatively, if I don't feel like sleeping as yet, I'll listen to some upbeat Kpop songs. I'm an avid kpop fan. I find the cheesy bubblegum pop lovely and even the soulful ballads appeal to me. I'm recently addicted to Shinee's newest Japanese single 'Dazzling girl'. It's been on replay for the past 2 days.

#2: Get work done

This happens only on rare occasions (aka last minute datelines), I'll be rushing out my homework/tutorials/ projects before the dateline/meeting the next day. It's strictly not advisable, but old habits do stick. I find myself weirdly productive from 10pm onwards until 4am the next day. I have very steep working curve during those hours and even if I'm rushing out stuffs, they 'flow' to me. Identifying your productive hours are necessary.

Mine just happens to be around these hours. Probably don't help with my insomnia. I could probably change them if I want to, but the inertia to change is just so great. Oh well, we'll see how it goes.

#3: Read

This has to be my favourite! I'm a huge bookworm. My weekends are mostly spent holed up at home reading. I've spent this weekend of mine finishing 2 books, a book on past lives and another on the Myer-Briggs Personality indicator. I read a lot and spend a lot of money on books too. It's a great hobby of mine, and I'm really lucky to have my mum who's so supportive of my reading endeavours, paying for my books and all.

 And yes, reading do keep me more awake at night. It's not advisable to read before bed times as it'll probably keep you more awake (thinking and reflecting on the plots etc) but personally I find reading before I sleep something I'd like to do to 'conclude my day'. And I have this urge to finish a book in one sitting every time I hold onto it, especially if it's a page turner. That usually takes me at least two to three hours, and I end up sleeping late. Sigh. Yet, I'll still find reading worth sacrificing some of my sleep for.

#4: Eat

Cook, look around your kitchen for food etc. If I'm really hungry at night and can't sleep, sometimes it's due to the hunger keeping me awake. I'll get some drink (milk, don't drink tea/coffee, it makes it harder to sleep), and probably cook some instant noodles to eat too/have bread. With a full stomach, it's easier to sleep.

#5: Check facebook

Do some facebooks surfing and take comfort in knowing that you're not alone! There are bound to be night owls about (just check your online friends!). Start a chat, do some catching up with your online friends. And maybe after a while into the chat and the say 'gtg, I'm sleeping', you'll be peer-pressured to sleeping as well.

Comparison is the thief of joy. -Theodore Roosevelt

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It is in human nature to compare. We compare to gauge ourselves, to judge others, to find a foothold that we have in the situation that we 're in. It's hard to compare. It's almost an instinct for us to do so.

As a result of comparison, we may get jealous/envious/upset if we're less fortunate than others. That robs us of our joy. Even if we did emerge 'better' after our comparison than the people that we compared ourselves to, this 'joy' is perhaps superficial, and robs us of the true 'joy', that we can achieve.

We just need to be contented with what we have; be thankful for what we have.

While we cannot stop comparing (it's just silly to force ourselves not to do/berate ourselves whenever we compare), I guess the awareness that you're comparing will make everything fine. As long as you're aware that you're comparing, that's all that matters.

The truth is that everyone's gonna hurt you. You just have to find the one worth suffering for. -Bob Marley

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I reckon everyone includes you yourself too, isn't it?

Not everyone has a sob story, Charlie, and even if they do, it's no excuse. -Charlie's Dad

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Charlie, we accept the love we think we deserve. -Bill, Charlie's English class teacher

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Wise words indeed.

book-the perks of being a wallflower

I can be quite driven when it comes to things that I'm interested in. After watching the perks of being a wallflower movie yesterday, I went to buy the book today and finished it in one sitting.

I didn't like the vague ending in the movie, so I was hoping for a more detailed one in the book. I was pretty satisfied with the book's ending. It showed promises of Charlie getting better, being more accepting of himself and most importantly, hope for the future.

The movie was true to the book too, many of the important scenes in the movie were the main gist of the book.

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I bought another 2 book today! Cloud Atlas and the gathering. The synopsis for cloud atlas sounded promising, will be starting on that book soon!

After reading the perks of being a wall flower, I'm suddenly more interested in coming of age stories. I've yet to read the catcher in the rye, I should probably get started on that soon. I used to only like reading non fiction, inspirational kind of books, but recently I've been reading a lot more fiction and being more balanced in terms of the genre of books that I'm reading. That's good!

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On a side note, I cleared my room today! My table's neater now and I can use it to do my work properly and not have to stash stuffs here and there to make space. I guess clearing up stuff does make you feel good like how the happiness project advocated, but I've been putting off organizing my stuff so I'm really glad that I made time today.

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Read a magazine review on yummy burgers. I want one now!

movies- the perks of being a wallflower

I've wanted to watch this movie for a while ever since the trailer came out. The title appealed to me a lot. The perks of being a wallflower. So oxymoronic right? What perks could there be by being a wallflower? Wallflowers aren't being noticed, so what benefits are there being one?

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I am a wall flower. I think so. I've gone through high school being pretty much a low profile person. I don't mind. But being frank, sometimes I do wish I can be noticed, well, probably not as much as I hope to be appreciated. Charlie in this movie really struck a chord with me. He's like me in many sense, trying to figure out one's place in the world (or school for that matter), holding up and trying not to break down, wanting to have friends, make friends, and when you have friends, you're so scared of losing them.

It's an endless cycle.

This teenage thing really made me reflect a lot on those days. My school days were pretty drama free (unlike Charlie's) but on many levels and occasions, I felt like I could understand him.

Understand how he felt so desperate in finding friends, hoping to be understood, have company and just not be lonely. not be a lone. not be the loner kid.

But what's wrong with enjoying your own company right? We need alone time sometimes. Some down time. Some your own time. Solitude.

In this era where everyone's connected and everyone else seems to know every other people, you do feel the pressure to keep up. I don't know, I guess I'm kind of the rebel. While at times I'm pretty desperate for friends, other times I'm just indifferent. I'm just tired of trying so hard.

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I'm happy for Charlie though. In the end he's recovering well with the help of a psychiatrist. And I like his friendship with his English class teacher. It's always good to have a mentor.

He's busy participating.

I guess I should too.

While I enjoy watching from the sidelines, maybe I should just try and enjoy the game too, shouldn't I?

22/10/12

Things fall apart so that they can fall into place.

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Is that really true? If it is how true is that? Will we even know if it is? How do we even tell if it's true?

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My life fell apart (in my own sense) a year ago, in June 2011. I was too worried about my results, worrying about my college applications, stuffs along like how am I going to get into a good college with the current lousy grades that I have... I kept pushing myself, too hard, too long and then finally that day in June, I broke down.

I cried, for a long time. I haven't been able to cry for myself for the past 5 years.  ( I could cry over sad movies and books etc but I couldn't cry when I felt really bad inside). I lost my ability to cry for myself somehow. I would just feel really bad inside me, like my heart's getting squished up, and I couldn't really breathe/think and that sadness will just swallow me up. Even then, I can't cry. So I will resort to eating really spicy stuff to just get myself a block nose so that it felt like I cried.

But that day tears just fell down. I literally cried a lot a lot. It was releasing, refreshing even. But I knew I needed to seek help. So I did. I went to a psychiatrist. I wouldn't say I've recovered now, I think I'm better. Even so, there's the fear of a depression relapse. But really at the end of the day, it's all in my mind right? Only I can control my thoughts, which in turn affects my feeling. It's all up to me.

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I don't know if this breaking apart came at the right time/should it have even come at all? But I knew I needed this, I was too stuck in the rat race, too results obsessed that my life and self esteem depended so much of my academic results. I guessed this episode made me change my outlook in life. I'm still slowing picking up those broken pieces, and trying to come to terms with them.

I think the most important thing is loving yourself, accepting who you are, who you really are and not who you pretend to be. And to be at peace with it.

It's hard to love yourself fully, but I'll work hard towards that.

If I can't love myself, how can I know how to love others right?

Everybody is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. -Albert Einstein

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Please don't be that fish.

Movies-Taken 2, Looper

Taken 2 was a pretty exciting action film. I didn't watch the first installment, Taken, but can follow up with the storyline just fine. I even googled for the synopsis of Taken in the cinema secretly haha.

the conflict is mostly centred around revenge, and perhaps about love too, how love can be so great you'd risk your lives for others?

Isn't it how ironic people can be? We were taught to treasure lives but in movies they depict killings so simply, killing people were like killing ants. Were those people who died really that insignificant? They were in the context of the film, but I can't help just thinking about life in general? What/Who gives you the right to kill? Even if you're doing it to protect your love ones/for revenge/for your job as a cop etc, is killing ever justified? Sure, when we justify anything, we're judging them with values of our own. Is that okay, or maybe it doesn't matter anyway. It happened, will happen and will continue happening anyway. People die and there's nothing that we can do about it.

Which brings me to another movie that i watched the same weekend-looper. It was awesome, albeit a bit mind boggling with all the time travel stuffs, leaving you brain fried at times trying to figure out the plot. That again, I was appalled at how people were killed so insignificantly again. Like their lives don't matter. It's probably true but it still hurts.


I know I'm thinking too much, it's just a movie(s). GET OVER IT.

19/10/12

I've been having this nagging feeling in my heart. It hurts but I have no idea why. Or probably I do subconsciously and that I'm consciously ignoring what I'm feeling? It's awful, this confusion;helplessness;restlessness...

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My depression's probably relapsing again. In the first place how do you really know if it's depression right? It could be a self-fulfilling prophecy, you think you're having depression and the more you think about it, the more entrapped you are, the more you're stuck. And if that happens, is it really depression? Or is it that this cynical take on life is actually a by product of all the experiences that you had that you never feel the real need to do anything anymore? That heck if I'm depressed so be it? Cos I'm already too well over to care? 

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What's the purpose of life? What's my purpose in this life/lifetime? Do we even have any purpose for us that may be dictated by God/our maker/something like that that whatever we do is futile and nature will always take its course? Or do we really have control over our destiny like how people claim? And how do you know/affirm that whatever purpose you have in life is the right purpose? Is there even such thing as a right purpose? Does it really matter if you have no purpose? Do we need purpose? Can we live without purpose?

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It irks me about how insensitive people can be. Or maybe I'm just to sensitive/emotional. What's wrong about that? Perhaps it's just my insecurities that's more worrying than how people really judge me. Why should I care right?? I wanna tell myself that, but what the head wants totally differs from where the heart goes.

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Is it possible to feel no love? What is love anyway? There're many types of love but is there really unconditional love? I'm just so tired... Tired to love.

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I need more optimism. Life will get better! It's not a bed of thorns. 

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School tomorrow. Another day blending into the next...

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I should probably sleep soon. Sleep all my worries away. 

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Live in day tight compartments, girl. Remember that.

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And stop comparing yourself with others. You're enough. Stop wishing you have what others have/want to be like someone else etc. You are uniquely you. Of course you have flaws but you also have strengths right?

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Believe in yourself. Have faith. 

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Life goes on.