Song-Welcome to my Life

I love songs by simple plan. They relate very well to coming of age people like me and the problems associated with growing up.

Welcome to My Life (I love this title, it shows the ironic position of an angst teenage who hopes people can understand them and their life (welcome to my life) while the song lyrics are sort of the opposite (showing how hard it really is for people to understand)

Do you ever feel like breaking down? 
Do you ever feel out of place? 
Like somehow you just don't belong 
And no one understands you?

I think this relates very well to common problems in life- the feeling of loneliness, sadness, even depression and lost of emotional control at times... I find this especially true when I'm down in the pits of my depression spiral and feel like it really is me against the world. Sometimes though to be really rational... if I can't even totally understand myself how can I expect others to right? That again maybe God really knows and understands me but that's another case altogether...

Do you ever wanna runaway? 
Do you lock yourself in your room? 
With the radio on turned up so loud 
So no one hears you screaming 

To me, this illustrates the avoidant personality... I've read up a bit on shut in kids after watching a Japanese drama on them (I forgot the title of the drama but it hit home). I find it really painful to know that sometimes really the real world seem so dangerous, scary, pointless to some that they feel like shutting it all out together. And doing this really physically by hiding in their room and erecting physical barriers (their door) to the world outside. I've tried this...there was a time I just basically eat sleep and read/use computer and am in my room pretty much everyday. It didn't last long thankfully because this physical barrier just really escalates the internal disconnection to the world...like it's the final straw.


No you don't know what it's like 
When nothing feels all right 
You don't know what it's like To be like me 

I'm reminded by this stanza of Psalms 139:14..I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well....

Sometimes though, it's hard to keep in mind that we're all okay the way we are and just really loathe ourselves... and this usually stems from a lacking of understanding and acceptance of one's being.


Chorus
To be hurt 
To feel lost 
To be left out in the dark 
To be kicked
When you're down 
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down 
And no one's there to save you 
No you don't know what it's like 

This is just so sad.... :( :( :(

Welcome to my life 

Do you wanna be somebody else? 
Are you sick of feeling so left out? 
Are you desperate to find something more? Before your life is over 

This part about life being over and our fear of death, of missing out, of not having a fulfilling and fruitful life seem to be a common human problem. This search for SOMETHING to fill our self/souls/consciousness...We all find different ways to deal with it. Some through (good/bad) relationships, material acquisition, religious beliefs...

Are you stuck inside a world you hate? 
Are you sick of everyone around? 
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies 
While deep inside you're bleeding?

There are superficial people but then again, I can't expect people to be consistent since I'm not a stable person myself. We show different sides to different people and yup, this seems pretty subjective...But I agree there are times when it just feels so bleah with everyone cos I'm just overstimulated and need some 'me' time and not be grumpy with interaction with others. It's an introvert thing. I don't hate people but just can't seem to like them when I'm not in the mood too and am too tired for fake pleasantries. 


No one ever lied straight to your face 
No one ever stabbed you in the back 
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be okay 
Everybody always gave you what you wanted 
Never had to work, it was always there 
You don't know what it's like, what it's like 

Here there is this sort of comparison with some other 'better off' individuals. And yes, comparison is something I still very much struggle with today. I know that comparison rots the bones (Proverbs 14:30) and that it is a thief of joy but sometimes I still slip into this competitive mode that's way too negative and end up hurting myself. 


///I'm blogging so often again cos I've so much swirling thoughts/emotions all around my head and it's really kind of bad cos they're manifesting themselves physically into restlessness/sickness/pain/tiredness.

I need to get rid of them and so I'll be penning them down and hopefully this rids them off my mind.

Posts are short cos I've got limited attention span. I've never thought of myself as someone who possibly has ADHD but recently I'm starting to think it's the onset of adult ADHD which I've somehow managed to hide over the course of my childhood. But that's another long story altogether. Maybe next time.