Growing up

One of my favourite childhood books of all time was Peter Pan.

I have always been fascinated with Neverland, the idea of not having to grow up.

When I was in my teens, I was on the contrary very desperate to grow up, harden my wings.  I wanted freedom.

But now I realized that freedom comes at a price. And at my early twenties,  there comes a time when I will struggle with dreaming or coming to terms with the harsh reality.

What happens when people around you ask you to grow up, to be more mature,  be more responsible and less lazy? 

By what and whose standards are they judging me? Evaluating me and then coming up with some kind of action plan for me to follow through for a ' good future'?

What happens when to people ADD,  depression and emotional sensitivity becomes excuses for laziness and under performance but not valid reasons for emotional expression and rest?

I'm just so sick of everything.  And I'm fearful of this me who is becoming increasingly angsty, bitter, cynical and distasteful for people and the things around me.

I'm so so tired.
But I know I'm still alive and perhaps one day this all will make sense.

For now, I guess I don't have to prove anything to anyone not even myself. 

Just hang on.